Here is a collection of shit that customers have said to me, or that I've heard of. There's things that should have never left the mouth, and things that have made me think.... Why are you still alive?
1.*begging* "Could you please put my glasses in your pussy? Please? I'll do anything. I'll never ever wash them again".
2. "You have a very nice hamburger" (referring to the vagina)
3. Customer: Fuck dat ass *starts lightly punching my butt*
Me: ...did you just box my ass?
Customer: fuck dat ass, cum in yo mouth
Me: O.O.....
4. Retard: What background are you?
Me: Korean
Retard: North or South?
5. *MC Hammer playing in background, dude tries to touch me*
Me: *moves away* No.
Dude: Can't touch this
6. "I would let you piss on me"
7. Me: *rubs nipple*
Custie: Oh...
*traces finger down to stomach*
Custie: Oh god.... Ohhh...
*traces finger to crotch*
Custie: Oh... Ohhh... Oh god.. Holy.. Ohh..
*spreads legs*
Custie: OHHHHHHH....STOP IT OHHHHHHH
8. Custie *points to birth mark on my leg* Did you get shot in the leg?
More to come!!
Wednesday, 8 May 2013
Friday, 19 April 2013
Fake names and 'Tards.
EVERYBODY is obsessed with REAL. As in genuine stuff. Genuine everything. Whether if a product or foods contain real ingredients. Produce that is organic, none of that GMO bullshit. Handbags that are made with real leather. Sites reinforce that captcha bullshit to make sure you are a REAL person.
One of the most frequent question (95% of the time) that comes up in conversation when with a customer is,
"What is your REAL name?"
It's a question that drives me insane. I understand the needs of the genuine REAL stuff in life, but what I don't get is why men feel the strong urge to know a dancer's real name. Does it stroke their ego knowing that she has revealed something personal about herself?
There is already nothing real about me walking over to you striking up meaningless conversation (I just want your wallet), good luck finding me approaching you in another setting.
Noob sitting at a table: Oh your name is Aurie? Well my name is Marvelous the Thunder Storm hurr hurr hurr durrr
Nice one man, you got such a nice come back! It's so ingenious of you! I don't care if you don't give me your real name.
OR
Me: Hi, my name is Aurie, what's your name?"
Noob: Why should I tell you? That's not your real name anyway.
Men don't think for one sheer second about why girls have stage names. They don't think about all the Tom, Dicks, and Harrys that might bump into them on the street that'll be calling out their real names while they're shopping, going to school, or with their boyfriends. Now that'll be an interesting topic to talk about with your partner. "So how do you know that creepy/weird/old/fat/ugly guy that just said your name?" and you'd be like "Oh, just a friend... That I knew from a friend... In a park... I think?" LOL.
With technology nowadays, you'd be fucking surprised what people can find about you just by your first name.
I sometimes like to stroke men's egos by telling them what they want to hear, such as "don't tell anyone this, but since I like you... My real name is Bella". Then what do these asshole do? They shout my fake name out to everbody "SEE YOU BELLA" or "I ENJOYED HANGING WITH YOU BELLA". Those motherfuckers!!!
& They ask "What's your REAL name?" ....Morons.
Monday, 15 April 2013
Customers I LOVE to HATE
After working in the strip club for nearly two years, I can pretty much distinguish each type of customer there is. I love this job when there's men that just want to make you happy. The ones that buy me long shows because they want to "keep me out of trouble", "relax from work and just take it easy", "simply just want to chat and have good company", "cut the bullshit strip show, stay clothed, and just be yourself" or *hands be $100 note* - "this should keep you around for a bit. These are the boys that every stripper dreams about.
Then there are those that walk among us, those that prowl the strip clubs that drive girls insane...
The Veteran
They came, they saw, they know it all. They're in the club every day, if not, every week probably most of their life time. The amount of decades they've been there is unknown because they were there since you've started dancing, and you think they might as well just live there.
I ponder what drove them to waste so much of time (and money) coming to strip clubs, are they that incapable of social skills with women that they must have girls constantly coming up to them selling their fake sweet, sexy, flirty bullshit? Do they really feel that lonely that they need constant attention? Perhaps they think they'll be able to pick up a dancer if they stuck around long enough.
They virtually never buy shows, as they've "seen it all before". At least they buy you a drink to start your night. They seem to boast "I've been coming here for over 10 years/I've been coming here since you were even born" like it's something amazing to brag about.
Typical quotes from The Veteran:
"Candy has been working here for x amount of years, she used to be called Angel and started out waitressing"
"Back in the 90s, a dance used to cost only this much!"
"I'm a member, I'm here to see they weekly free show"
Captain Save-A-Ho
These beings wonder into the club environment like they are entitled to the world, they may tip sparingly at the tipping rail, might even buy one show. Within minutes of talking, they waste no time telling you how you are "too good to be working in a place like this" and question why you would go demeaning yourself like this. Boasting about what a great job they have/great money they make is a typical characteristic for these men. They want to whisk you away from this hell hole of a place, and make all your fears, pain, and sorrows go away.
Typical lines from a Ho Saver:
"I earn 6 figures a year, I can definitely take care of you"
"Why don't you come and work for me, I give good "incentives"
"You're too good/intelligent for this place, you don't belong here".
"Wow captain, you finally came to my rescue!!"
The Cop-A-Feel
These cunning creatures strike at every chance they get for a bit of touchy touchy. Whether it be an "innocent" brush of the back hand pretending to be in deep conversation while using a lot of hand gestures, or inching their hands closer and closer to their favored destination thinking that you're oblivious. They also like to strike fast when your hands are not on guard. They are given a number of a warnings, but still dare to defy the rules... Till you walk out mid dance and announce the show is over.
There are two variations of this unique type of species. First one is the "Walk By Feeler" name explains it all. In the strip club kingdom, these "Walk By Feeler's" favourite time to strike is when it's a fairly busy environment. They camouflage with the rest of the males, and are never to be seen again. This helps with their survival... As they are nearly never caught. The second are the ones that claim the shows are way too expensive/can get more bang for their buck and 'more' down the road, and attempt to cop a free feel under the table.
Classic quotes from a Feeler:
"I can make you feel good/cum in 30 seconds"
"But I just can't resist, you are just so sexy/beautiful/fuckable"
"But Diamond over there let me finger her pussy, why can't I?"
Pedo Bear says he likes to cop feels as well
The Admirer
Sharing similarities to The Veteran, they don't buy shows, some don't even buy you a drink. They replace their money with compliments and date proposals, and for some reason think that you will some how, and some way, go out with them. These species are usually in their own little world, persuading you to give up your number. Or vice versa. "This stripper must really like me! She's laughing at my jokes! Look at the way she looks at me!" When pushing for a sale, they will attempt to divert your attention to something else like "when will I see you on stage?" they think that you're happy to get naked for free on stage while they look from a distance. It is evident that they lack the common sense to question if the dancer is really into them. But they don't care. These guys will even go as far as following you out the door when you're ready for home. Lacking people and life skills? Clearly.
Typical lines from these noobs:
"I don't buy dances, but I'd like to take you out sometime"
"I know you're into me/want me, you don't have to hide it"
"What time do you finish?"
Mister VIP
Most of these creatures are delusional. They think that they're important because they once shook hands with the owners, maybe had a conversation or two, therefore they're best friends with the owner/manager/MC. They boast about having privileges, have met the Queen of England, Elvis, and is far more special than everyone else. When being pushed for a sale, these guys claim that they can get special discounts... Then fail miserably.
I met this one special guy one time that claimed he was so well knitted with the management that he threatened to get me fired because I wouldn't go out with him (looks like I'm still here and well bro).
Classic quotes:
*exclaims proudly* "Well I know Bob the owner, we are great friends. We hang out on a regular basis"
"I've met P. Diddy, T.I, Eminem, Lil Wayne, Madonna, and anyone else you can think of"
"I get special privileges than regular customers, I pretty much shit diamonds"
"Hey baby, look at what great importance I bring to the strip club"
These are the main species in the strip club kingdom. You are destined to meet all of them at some point if you stick around long enough in this line of work. Maybe even rarer more "amazing" ones. But nonetheless, it's entertaining. Even more entertaining when I imagine shoving my stiletto heel into their scrotums.
Then there are those that walk among us, those that prowl the strip clubs that drive girls insane...
The Veteran
They came, they saw, they know it all. They're in the club every day, if not, every week probably most of their life time. The amount of decades they've been there is unknown because they were there since you've started dancing, and you think they might as well just live there.
I ponder what drove them to waste so much of time (and money) coming to strip clubs, are they that incapable of social skills with women that they must have girls constantly coming up to them selling their fake sweet, sexy, flirty bullshit? Do they really feel that lonely that they need constant attention? Perhaps they think they'll be able to pick up a dancer if they stuck around long enough.
They virtually never buy shows, as they've "seen it all before". At least they buy you a drink to start your night. They seem to boast "I've been coming here for over 10 years/I've been coming here since you were even born" like it's something amazing to brag about.
Typical quotes from The Veteran:
"Candy has been working here for x amount of years, she used to be called Angel and started out waitressing"
"Back in the 90s, a dance used to cost only this much!"
"I'm a member, I'm here to see they weekly free show"
Captain Save-A-Ho
These beings wonder into the club environment like they are entitled to the world, they may tip sparingly at the tipping rail, might even buy one show. Within minutes of talking, they waste no time telling you how you are "too good to be working in a place like this" and question why you would go demeaning yourself like this. Boasting about what a great job they have/great money they make is a typical characteristic for these men. They want to whisk you away from this hell hole of a place, and make all your fears, pain, and sorrows go away.
Typical lines from a Ho Saver:
"I earn 6 figures a year, I can definitely take care of you"
"Why don't you come and work for me, I give good "incentives"
"You're too good/intelligent for this place, you don't belong here".
The Cop-A-Feel
These cunning creatures strike at every chance they get for a bit of touchy touchy. Whether it be an "innocent" brush of the back hand pretending to be in deep conversation while using a lot of hand gestures, or inching their hands closer and closer to their favored destination thinking that you're oblivious. They also like to strike fast when your hands are not on guard. They are given a number of a warnings, but still dare to defy the rules... Till you walk out mid dance and announce the show is over.
There are two variations of this unique type of species. First one is the "Walk By Feeler" name explains it all. In the strip club kingdom, these "Walk By Feeler's" favourite time to strike is when it's a fairly busy environment. They camouflage with the rest of the males, and are never to be seen again. This helps with their survival... As they are nearly never caught. The second are the ones that claim the shows are way too expensive/can get more bang for their buck and 'more' down the road, and attempt to cop a free feel under the table.
Classic quotes from a Feeler:
"I can make you feel good/cum in 30 seconds"
"But I just can't resist, you are just so sexy/beautiful/fuckable"
"But Diamond over there let me finger her pussy, why can't I?"
The Admirer
Sharing similarities to The Veteran, they don't buy shows, some don't even buy you a drink. They replace their money with compliments and date proposals, and for some reason think that you will some how, and some way, go out with them. These species are usually in their own little world, persuading you to give up your number. Or vice versa. "This stripper must really like me! She's laughing at my jokes! Look at the way she looks at me!" When pushing for a sale, they will attempt to divert your attention to something else like "when will I see you on stage?" they think that you're happy to get naked for free on stage while they look from a distance. It is evident that they lack the common sense to question if the dancer is really into them. But they don't care. These guys will even go as far as following you out the door when you're ready for home. Lacking people and life skills? Clearly.
Typical lines from these noobs:
"I don't buy dances, but I'd like to take you out sometime"
"I know you're into me/want me, you don't have to hide it"
"What time do you finish?"
Mister VIP
Most of these creatures are delusional. They think that they're important because they once shook hands with the owners, maybe had a conversation or two, therefore they're best friends with the owner/manager/MC. They boast about having privileges, have met the Queen of England, Elvis, and is far more special than everyone else. When being pushed for a sale, these guys claim that they can get special discounts... Then fail miserably.
I met this one special guy one time that claimed he was so well knitted with the management that he threatened to get me fired because I wouldn't go out with him (looks like I'm still here and well bro).
Classic quotes:
*exclaims proudly* "Well I know Bob the owner, we are great friends. We hang out on a regular basis"
"I've met P. Diddy, T.I, Eminem, Lil Wayne, Madonna, and anyone else you can think of"
"I get special privileges than regular customers, I pretty much shit diamonds"
These are the main species in the strip club kingdom. You are destined to meet all of them at some point if you stick around long enough in this line of work. Maybe even rarer more "amazing" ones. But nonetheless, it's entertaining. Even more entertaining when I imagine shoving my stiletto heel into their scrotums.
Saturday, 26 January 2013
Dancing for cute boys
It's always so uncomfortable dancing for attractive customers especially if they're your type.
I'm naturally shy, so I'm get a little nervous when they're watching me intently on stage. Thanks to the dim lights and makeup, they don't see that I'm a bit of a pussy.
I mean, you're supposed to be more relaxed and can be a little more genuine to a customer when they're attractive right??? But it just has the opposite effect!
It's just a mild thing, neither am I complaining. But I think I'd rather dance for less attractive men. I'm better at holding my gaze, and I couldn't give two shits about how I am around them.
I could lie there with legs spread for a whole hour and they'd still think I'm doing a great job.
It's funny how we all think the same. When someone is attractive, they're excused for being pervy and creepy in contrast to someone that is hideous.
That is one of the reasons why I stop telling attractive customers that they're good looking. Or "OMG ur soooooo HAWT" when I'm drunk. This most likely excuses them for being a strip club, and increases their chances of getting laid. Like if someone has nice shoes, you'll naturally say "nice fucking shoes!" instead, I say "nice fucking face!" That obviously interprets to "let's have sex".
Oops :(
I'm naturally shy, so I'm get a little nervous when they're watching me intently on stage. Thanks to the dim lights and makeup, they don't see that I'm a bit of a pussy.
I mean, you're supposed to be more relaxed and can be a little more genuine to a customer when they're attractive right??? But it just has the opposite effect!
It's just a mild thing, neither am I complaining. But I think I'd rather dance for less attractive men. I'm better at holding my gaze, and I couldn't give two shits about how I am around them.
I could lie there with legs spread for a whole hour and they'd still think I'm doing a great job.
It's funny how we all think the same. When someone is attractive, they're excused for being pervy and creepy in contrast to someone that is hideous.
That is one of the reasons why I stop telling attractive customers that they're good looking. Or "OMG ur soooooo HAWT" when I'm drunk. This most likely excuses them for being a strip club, and increases their chances of getting laid. Like if someone has nice shoes, you'll naturally say "nice fucking shoes!" instead, I say "nice fucking face!" That obviously interprets to "let's have sex".
Oops :(
Saturday, 29 December 2012
Respect my dignity!
I had a pretty shitty week, money wise. When money gets shit, your moods get shit, and each rejection you get from a customer dampens your motivation to chat to the next.
I had one show, so I at least HAD something. It was the same as last night, dead as usual... Maybe a little busier than yesterday by 5%.
What really brought me down was walking into a conversation about how much these British girls made on average in a night. It was like a turd on top of my cake for the night. They weren't bragging to each other, but it was more of a discussion. One said she made $1500 last night, the other said she makes $700 on average. I obviously won't disclose how much I make, but I make nowhere near a grand in a night (not frequently anyway!) and somewhere along the line in their conversation, one says something like "So guys touch your breasts, deal with it. It's part of the job".
It was like a slap to the face to me. Part of the job, yes it may be true. But I cannot stand a stranger groping my tits. It's a mere thing to most strippers, but for me it's so much more. It's so personal for me. Touching my tits is like letting a stranger finger bang me! It's so fucked up for me! Sometimes I wish I was cool with it. I wish it were a breeze for people to touch my tits.... But then again I think I'd lose my sanity, and I've let these horny sleaze bags take a huge chunk of my dignity away.
I guess that's probably why I'm not making $700-$1500+ a night. I'm not saying every girl that banks let guys do that, then again I'm not too sure because I don't like to invade people's businesses..... There's these girls that are just SO FUCKING GOOD at saying the right things as well, and that makes me boil with jealousy. But before I let my head explode from all the cray cray... I think back to my $19/hr job I had from when I was with my Hitler boyfriend, and how I had to get up so FUCKING early in the FREEZING FUCKING COLD mornings, in the middle of winter & slave away with tedious counting of stock (I was a stock taker counting every little fucking item in a store. I had to deal with nightmarish stockrooms and warehouses and holy fuck don't get me started). I had to deal with dust, dirt, hours of work and only 15 minute breaks. It was horrible.
With a little help from a friend, I've learnt that, at the end of the day, you shouldn't stress on what other people make, but focus on yourself. I on average, make more than someone's 5 day a week 9-5 job. I should be happy, I should be thankful for that shit. Self respect comes first, then money. Unless you're in some fucked up financial situation. I don't know, don't quote me.
This one chick annoyed me one night, she was huffing and puffing about what a shit night she's had. I didn't even wanna know how much she made, she tells me she ONLY made around $400. I understand, a lot of people make so much more than that, don't fucking get me wrong. In the stripper world, $400 isn't a lot to some people (maybe even most). It's a decent amount for me. I'll be happy walking home with that amount, no way would I be whining that it's ONLY that much.
But I can put myself in their shoes, if you owned your own business, and you were earning over a grand a week and you only made $500 the following week, you'd totes be thinking business isn't so good.
I guess I can't complain. I guess I don't have school tuition to pay off, trips to go to, not getting anything done, or anything materialistic to save for. So getting what I get on average should not bother me. At the end of the day, I have my sanity & dignity rather than a wallet-ful of greens & yellows and be all broken up inside. If someone was able to walk out the club's doors all normal and chirpy, big fucking props to them.
No way am I putting anyone down. I wish I could let people do so much more with me. If I was single and didn't give two fucks about sex & my body, I'd probably even escort and make a fucking fortune.
I had one show, so I at least HAD something. It was the same as last night, dead as usual... Maybe a little busier than yesterday by 5%.
What really brought me down was walking into a conversation about how much these British girls made on average in a night. It was like a turd on top of my cake for the night. They weren't bragging to each other, but it was more of a discussion. One said she made $1500 last night, the other said she makes $700 on average. I obviously won't disclose how much I make, but I make nowhere near a grand in a night (not frequently anyway!) and somewhere along the line in their conversation, one says something like "So guys touch your breasts, deal with it. It's part of the job".
It was like a slap to the face to me. Part of the job, yes it may be true. But I cannot stand a stranger groping my tits. It's a mere thing to most strippers, but for me it's so much more. It's so personal for me. Touching my tits is like letting a stranger finger bang me! It's so fucked up for me! Sometimes I wish I was cool with it. I wish it were a breeze for people to touch my tits.... But then again I think I'd lose my sanity, and I've let these horny sleaze bags take a huge chunk of my dignity away.
I guess that's probably why I'm not making $700-$1500+ a night. I'm not saying every girl that banks let guys do that, then again I'm not too sure because I don't like to invade people's businesses..... There's these girls that are just SO FUCKING GOOD at saying the right things as well, and that makes me boil with jealousy. But before I let my head explode from all the cray cray... I think back to my $19/hr job I had from when I was with my Hitler boyfriend, and how I had to get up so FUCKING early in the FREEZING FUCKING COLD mornings, in the middle of winter & slave away with tedious counting of stock (I was a stock taker counting every little fucking item in a store. I had to deal with nightmarish stockrooms and warehouses and holy fuck don't get me started). I had to deal with dust, dirt, hours of work and only 15 minute breaks. It was horrible.
With a little help from a friend, I've learnt that, at the end of the day, you shouldn't stress on what other people make, but focus on yourself. I on average, make more than someone's 5 day a week 9-5 job. I should be happy, I should be thankful for that shit. Self respect comes first, then money. Unless you're in some fucked up financial situation. I don't know, don't quote me.
This one chick annoyed me one night, she was huffing and puffing about what a shit night she's had. I didn't even wanna know how much she made, she tells me she ONLY made around $400. I understand, a lot of people make so much more than that, don't fucking get me wrong. In the stripper world, $400 isn't a lot to some people (maybe even most). It's a decent amount for me. I'll be happy walking home with that amount, no way would I be whining that it's ONLY that much.
But I can put myself in their shoes, if you owned your own business, and you were earning over a grand a week and you only made $500 the following week, you'd totes be thinking business isn't so good.
I guess I can't complain. I guess I don't have school tuition to pay off, trips to go to, not getting anything done, or anything materialistic to save for. So getting what I get on average should not bother me. At the end of the day, I have my sanity & dignity rather than a wallet-ful of greens & yellows and be all broken up inside. If someone was able to walk out the club's doors all normal and chirpy, big fucking props to them.
No way am I putting anyone down. I wish I could let people do so much more with me. If I was single and didn't give two fucks about sex & my body, I'd probably even escort and make a fucking fortune.
Friday, 28 December 2012
Happy HO-lidays!
It's been such an eventful year for me, actually, it only started to get eventful the last few months left of the year. I only started to really have fun when I left my Hitler boyfriend.
I met amazing people that has helped me better myself, I've tried new things, found new love, as well as happiness (Fuck yeah!!) I couldn't think of a better place to be right now, I don't even remember the last time I was this normal. It was a total contrast compared to last year around this time. Anyway, onto my night at work......
Who fucking knew it'd be so DEAD on a Friday night. It was probably because it's just after Christmas and people are off on holidays, and keeping their kids (and wives) happy instead of gallivanting off into strip clubs ogling at titties all night.
My night started off with a decent podium, getting them cash tips and strutting my stuff to a 5 person audience. I eyed this one Asian bitch that partially fucked up my hair straightener in the bathroom. The straightener got caught on some plastic wrap, she witnessed this, didn't take the plastic off, but thought she helped by picking up the straightener and leaving it on the bench.
My friend happened to be there, but thought it was a GREAT idea to run the end of the straightener with fucking water, thus, a fucked up straightener that flickers and doesn't even heat up. Oh well.
This friend, or so I thought she was my friend (we'll call her Sally) the one that helped me kill my straightener, was acting real aloof since the last time I saw her. So I flaked out on her twice in one week. One was the night before her birthday, she reckons it's French tradition or something to have a pre celebration right before her birthday. She barely even planned this event, being very vague about the time and place followed by a "Oh I don't know, I'll see how I feel on the day". She doesn't respond to my messages for a whole week until a few hours before the event, and I've already made other plans. Second, was my fault. I had a family birthday to go to, and forgot to tell her that I wasn't gonna make it to our next planned meeting.
I've got to admit I've been a shit friend towards her, as I've flaked out a lot in the past, and have always pushed our appointments to an hour later. Maybe it's a great reason to not talk to me, but is it a good enough reason to not wanna be friends with me anymore? That's the vibes she's giving me anyways. Oh well.
I did this double show with this cool funny chick named Lily with 2 custies, we were only about 10 minutes into the show, and one of the custies thought it was a great fucking idea to put his mouth on Lily's crotch. We were like, you have to leave now, if you're not out of here in 5 minutes, I will get security to get you fucking out of here. It was more on Lily's part with all the talking, as the dude I was dancing in front of was well behaved... Kind of. Except he won't stop trying to touch my feet. But that was the early curtain drawn to our little double show.
LOL oh yeah, I was talking to this cunthole that was as sure as the sky was blue that he can make me sleep with him. I forgot in what time frame he said, but he was so confident. Made me fucking laugh. He thought he was good looking, and had everything going for him. Maybe he's rich, and can probably fuck bitches. Who knows. But he was not good looking. Not to me anyway. He was like an average faint looking chubby Kanye West. Not ugly, but please, I don't know who the fuck was stroking his ego, because it was all up in my face from the first few words he said when I spoke to him earlier.
I don't know what's with customers that like to say they'd give X amount of money to you without doing anything but sit there and talk to them, or if you'd just have a chat with them outside the club. Everybody has got to learn, and I've certainly learnt before.
Nothing serious happened to me, but I once got a cab ride to and from my club to have some fucking Chinese food, and a stupid attempt to get me back to his hotel room to "wait for my bank to transfer $1000 into my account, so I can give to you". I kinda felt like I wasted my time, as well as risking my safety for it all!! Obviously, I never got the money. No I wasn't spastic enough to go up to his hotel room. But I at least had some Chinese takeaway? LOL. He looked a little seedy as well, but I guess greed got the best of me for a little while.
I just can't wait for this weekend to be over so I can enjoy my new years celebrations. Man I'd really wanna have a bite to eat, but it's 5am, and probably not wise to munch on something before I go to bed. To be a fat fuck, or a skinny bitch? Hmmm....
I met amazing people that has helped me better myself, I've tried new things, found new love, as well as happiness (Fuck yeah!!) I couldn't think of a better place to be right now, I don't even remember the last time I was this normal. It was a total contrast compared to last year around this time. Anyway, onto my night at work......
Who fucking knew it'd be so DEAD on a Friday night. It was probably because it's just after Christmas and people are off on holidays, and keeping their kids (and wives) happy instead of gallivanting off into strip clubs ogling at titties all night.
My night started off with a decent podium, getting them cash tips and strutting my stuff to a 5 person audience. I eyed this one Asian bitch that partially fucked up my hair straightener in the bathroom. The straightener got caught on some plastic wrap, she witnessed this, didn't take the plastic off, but thought she helped by picking up the straightener and leaving it on the bench.
My friend happened to be there, but thought it was a GREAT idea to run the end of the straightener with fucking water, thus, a fucked up straightener that flickers and doesn't even heat up. Oh well.
This friend, or so I thought she was my friend (we'll call her Sally) the one that helped me kill my straightener, was acting real aloof since the last time I saw her. So I flaked out on her twice in one week. One was the night before her birthday, she reckons it's French tradition or something to have a pre celebration right before her birthday. She barely even planned this event, being very vague about the time and place followed by a "Oh I don't know, I'll see how I feel on the day". She doesn't respond to my messages for a whole week until a few hours before the event, and I've already made other plans. Second, was my fault. I had a family birthday to go to, and forgot to tell her that I wasn't gonna make it to our next planned meeting.
I've got to admit I've been a shit friend towards her, as I've flaked out a lot in the past, and have always pushed our appointments to an hour later. Maybe it's a great reason to not talk to me, but is it a good enough reason to not wanna be friends with me anymore? That's the vibes she's giving me anyways. Oh well.
I did this double show with this cool funny chick named Lily with 2 custies, we were only about 10 minutes into the show, and one of the custies thought it was a great fucking idea to put his mouth on Lily's crotch. We were like, you have to leave now, if you're not out of here in 5 minutes, I will get security to get you fucking out of here. It was more on Lily's part with all the talking, as the dude I was dancing in front of was well behaved... Kind of. Except he won't stop trying to touch my feet. But that was the early curtain drawn to our little double show.
LOL oh yeah, I was talking to this cunthole that was as sure as the sky was blue that he can make me sleep with him. I forgot in what time frame he said, but he was so confident. Made me fucking laugh. He thought he was good looking, and had everything going for him. Maybe he's rich, and can probably fuck bitches. Who knows. But he was not good looking. Not to me anyway. He was like an average faint looking chubby Kanye West. Not ugly, but please, I don't know who the fuck was stroking his ego, because it was all up in my face from the first few words he said when I spoke to him earlier.
I don't know what's with customers that like to say they'd give X amount of money to you without doing anything but sit there and talk to them, or if you'd just have a chat with them outside the club. Everybody has got to learn, and I've certainly learnt before.
Nothing serious happened to me, but I once got a cab ride to and from my club to have some fucking Chinese food, and a stupid attempt to get me back to his hotel room to "wait for my bank to transfer $1000 into my account, so I can give to you". I kinda felt like I wasted my time, as well as risking my safety for it all!! Obviously, I never got the money. No I wasn't spastic enough to go up to his hotel room. But I at least had some Chinese takeaway? LOL. He looked a little seedy as well, but I guess greed got the best of me for a little while.
I just can't wait for this weekend to be over so I can enjoy my new years celebrations. Man I'd really wanna have a bite to eat, but it's 5am, and probably not wise to munch on something before I go to bed. To be a fat fuck, or a skinny bitch? Hmmm....
Sunday, 15 April 2012
FASHION WORLD, WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So I'm writing this as I'm waiting for the crackers stuck in between my teeth to soften, so I can clean my teeth with my tongue without having to brush them again (yes I'm lazy).
Call me un-fashionable, or no sense of taste, but after getting my taste into the fashion world through my studies.. I have to disagree with most of what they consider "style" or "fashionable". When it should be all about defining your own style, getting your creativity on the ball - it's clearly not. They want you to think outside the box.
Whether it be mismatching randomness, odd shapes and textures, colours that are mixed to create an eyesore... They think it's fashionable!
Maybe it's an artistic thing, or being unique, or outrageous for fun? Maybe for ridiculous people, and so do most people in my studies think - That's sooo hot/goodlooking...
90% of the shit on runways are getting it so terribly WRONG.
Seriously, what are celebrities and models got running through their heads when they're told to wear ridiculous shit? Do they think the same as I do, like, aw man, wtf is up with the stylist/designer?! Or like, they think it's totally great looking on them, and that they're feeling confident about it? But hey don't get me wrong, the remaining 10% I've seen can be pretty decent, normal, and wearable. But I don't need examples of those, I'm pretty sure most people would have seen something they downright adored.
But speaking of nasty fashion, there's this nasty trend going around about SPACE LEGGINGS?? I saw someone wearing this "outta this world" shit today, and my god, I am thinking... It's taking over... Oh shit.
The first time I saw it was when a friend of mine pointed out to me "Ohhhh those are so hot, I want those"... I was thinking to myself... YOU BLIND GIRL?!
Yep. Here's a pair for your eyes to indulge on. To all those that own a pair of these along the lines, you look fucking ridiculous and stupid. Fullstop. It's as fashy and inviting as anything... That's if you want an alien to anal probe rape you.
Call me un-fashionable, or no sense of taste, but after getting my taste into the fashion world through my studies.. I have to disagree with most of what they consider "style" or "fashionable". When it should be all about defining your own style, getting your creativity on the ball - it's clearly not. They want you to think outside the box.
Whether it be mismatching randomness, odd shapes and textures, colours that are mixed to create an eyesore... They think it's fashionable!
Maybe it's an artistic thing, or being unique, or outrageous for fun? Maybe for ridiculous people, and so do most people in my studies think - That's sooo hot/goodlooking...
90% of the shit on runways are getting it so terribly WRONG.
Seriously, what are celebrities and models got running through their heads when they're told to wear ridiculous shit? Do they think the same as I do, like, aw man, wtf is up with the stylist/designer?! Or like, they think it's totally great looking on them, and that they're feeling confident about it? But hey don't get me wrong, the remaining 10% I've seen can be pretty decent, normal, and wearable. But I don't need examples of those, I'm pretty sure most people would have seen something they downright adored.
But speaking of nasty fashion, there's this nasty trend going around about SPACE LEGGINGS?? I saw someone wearing this "outta this world" shit today, and my god, I am thinking... It's taking over... Oh shit.
The first time I saw it was when a friend of mine pointed out to me "Ohhhh those are so hot, I want those"... I was thinking to myself... YOU BLIND GIRL?!
Yep. Here's a pair for your eyes to indulge on. To all those that own a pair of these along the lines, you look fucking ridiculous and stupid. Fullstop. It's as fashy and inviting as anything... That's if you want an alien to anal probe rape you.
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